Life Changes…Real Quick

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As you know, I overheard “Sunshine” and her friends whispering about the “Sex Book.” I contacted the school and shut down any thoughts of a trilogy. Looking back, this book was reminiscent of “50 Shades of Grey.” “Jane” was onto something…I wonder what career path she chose?

If Twitter and Instagram was around back in the day, then my mommy powers could have put that book on blast in a second.  What I really can’t figure out is how the teachers didn’t think something was up. I mean all the kids were laughing, talking, huddled together and getting along famously.  That was the biggest clue – ALL THE KIDS! When children that don’t talk to each other on a regular suddenly start laughing and communicating without any problems…something is up. Recognize people!

A few days later I followed-up with “ABC Public School” and learned the “Sex Book” was seized. Principals, teachers, librarian’s, lunch room supervisors and even the janitors circled the school like drones. Collectively, they swooped in like Navy Seals and apprehended the book–Mission Accomplished! Poor “Jane,” she and her mother got a talk’in too that day. Let’s hope “Big Daddy” didn’t find out. I was happy and Sunshine was still naive…so I thought.

Sometime the next week before bedtime “Sunshine” came in my room.  She was wearing cute pink and white pj’s, her long brown curly hair in a ponytail, looking adorable with her big bright eyes, hands on her hips and ever so sweetly asked, “Mommy where are my balls. I can’t find them?”

Yup! Let us pray. It can be a short prayer…”God help me right now.” Somehow the atmosphere zapped me with a taser…I didn’t move – actually couldn’t move. A million thoughts surged through my mind. Not an exaggeration. I distinctly remember the order:

1) How long has this child been looking?

2) Where has she looked?

3) Has anyone been helping her to look?

4) Why did she think she had them in the first place?

5) And, the one question I did not want answered. What was she just doing?

Suddenly, every cavity on “Sunshine’s” little innocent body flashed before my eyes like a blinding disco bulb.

Precisely, at that moment, I wanted “Jane,” her momma, the daddy and the boyfriend to move to a land far far away. And, take that vibrating bed with them. I had to talk to myself real quick. “Mommy, get it together. NOW,” I demanded! So it went like this:

Question: “Who told you, you had balls?”
Answer: “I heard the boys talking about “Jane’s” book and they said I had balls.”

Gee whiz, now I need a larger compound, with tons more jiggy-jabby barbwire fencing around it, to corral a bunch more people.

Question: “How long have you been looking for these balls, “Sunshine?”
Answer: “Oh, a couple of weeks now.”

Ya see, the timeline here – it coincides with the distribution of that blasted “Sex Book.”  I took a deep breath and considered potential responses. And concluded that I should never answer more than what is asked of me.

With much anxiety and trepidation, I accepted the fact that time had come for the most painful question of all.

Question: “Where have you looked?”
Answer: Sunshine looks down at herself, you know where I mean, then under both arms, and lifts her hands in the air and declares, “Well, I can’t see them anywhere.”

“Whew!” No medical type examinations were conducted. Thank-ya-Jesus!

Rebuttal and summation: “Sunshine,” you don’t have balls. Boys do. And, stay away from those boys that told you that. They’re not nice. The proper term is testicles. You have ovaries and they are inside. You can’t see them.”

“Sunshine” sweetly replies, “Oh, ok Mommy,” and returns to her bedroom.

Naivety is so precious. But, as I watched the back of her head, I thought, “Geez, what I would give to read that little mind right now.” I rubbed my face about three times to refrain from pulling out my hair. Flopped backwards onto the bed and said, “Praise the Lord, “Sunshine” was not looking for any Wikipedia type answers.

But it didn’t end there…check back.

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