Life Changes…and so do 7-year olds

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When I considered writing this blog, I wanted to share funny stories to make people laugh, sometimes that’s all one can do. The plan is to write two blogs over seven days. So check back for a good laugh.

This next story is about parental self-preservation, a seven-year old sex therapist/entrepreneur, and the children at “ABC Public School.”

The seven-year old sex therapist/entrepreneur, let’s call her “Jane.”  The kids at school, that title will remain the same, and my daughter, we will call her “Sunshine.”  In grade two, the kids are about seven-years old. “Jane” seems to be way more sexually advanced than the other kids. How could I say such a thing? Cause “Jane” took her research, knowledge, expertise, pen, paper and possibly ogling eyes and wrote, “The Sex Book.”

Not sure how many pages it was but there was more content than I wanted there to be at that age. The only thing I knew about little “Jane’s” life was that her mom was a single-mother ,the dad was around…but there was another man  up in the house. Not judging her mom at all…just reporting what “Jane” told the other kids.

With purple construction paper, safety scissors, a marker, a hole puncher and three strips of grandma’s pink yarn, “The Sex Book” was created. “Jane” did not source a literary agent or a publisher my girl was an entrepreneur…she self-published, marketed and distributed her book on the playground at “ABC Public School.” The book was hotter than hot cakes, Tickle Me Elmo and the iPhone 5. Kids were waiting in line to get a hold of her first literary work. The waiting list for her book was longer than the one at the school and the community library combined. The book had pictures and an explanation below each page, after page, after page. So much for the “Cat in the Hat…”

I overheard “Sunshine” and a group of her friends whispering about this book one night in her room, (can you imagine if at that time “Jane” had the technology to make it an ebook,…Laud hav Mercy). Now, this is where the parental self-preservation preemptive strike comes in. I called the school. Truthfully, a publication ban was in order. What did that little girl find out? What did her eyes behold? Oh Lord, what did she hear? You get the idea!

“Jane” researched till she believed there was sufficient material to market and go into production. How long had this been going on? Why did she want to publish this nugget? This is just conjecture but, I think the kids were talking about sex while swinging on those monkey bars and sliding down the slide at recess and lunch time. “Jane” struck gold. She found the answer. The proverbial pot of gold at the end of her mother’s rainbow – the bed!

“Jane” did not graduate from public, middle or high school and certainly not from college or university. But, she had some kind of qualifications or designation behind her name. Lets give her the acronym  “LFH,” “Learned From Home,” seems fair. This cannot be denied! Must interject with an observation, there must have been a lot of arts and crafts happening in her house. Cause why didn’t “Jane’s” mom notice the book? Or ask, “Honey, want are you making?”  Anyhow, I called the school to put an end to that purple book, and “Jane’s” future career plans as a sex therapist, on high alert and squashed it before it reached my house.

I was not ready to talk about sex with my seven-year old. My God, I at least needed “Sunshine” to be in grade nine before I got the courage to talk about “it” –yuk!  But, I was too late…

Details, next week.

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